This is not about excusing cheating or betrayal nor is it meant to be all inclusive. The goal is to understand and as a couple find your way back to each other.
Why Men Cheat – Reason Number 1: Opportunity (not the state of their marriage)
SEXUAL FIDELITY PROBLEM: Men often cheat because an opportunity presents itself. Many men report their marriages are completely fine and satisfactory and that they are happy. They cheated because there was an available woman at the right time and the right place. The experience often isn’t about romance but rather a sexual outlet.
REMEDY: As a partner, don’t take the cheating personally. It makes sense you’re hurt and angry but you didn’t cause it. It isn’t your fault. Men need to identify what they found from sex outside the marriage and bring that sexual need into the marriage.
Why Men Cheat – Reason Number 2: The Madonna-Whore Complex
SEXUAL FIDELITY PROBLEM: Many men view their female partners as sacred especially after children are born. The woman with whom they engage in sex outside the relationship is often objectified because she is mysterious, unknown and even not respected, making the sex more erotic, whereas one’s partner is known and becomes seen as a non-sexualized person. Many men lack the ability to bring love and sex together.
REMEDY: Keep your sexual relationship active and novel. Don’t be afraid to sometimes objectify your female partner. This is what separates a man’s mother from his girlfriend or wife. Women need to understand that if their man is objectifying her, that can be a good thing to keep the sexual spark alive.
Why Men Cheat – Reason Number 3: Distrust in sharing sexual desires with one’s female partner
SEXUAL FIDELITY PROBLEM: So many men find it easier to talk to a stranger about sex than their own partners. They don’t trust that they can advocate for their sexual needs and that their partners will often comply with many things they want. When they cheat, trust is lost. Neither partner is trustworthy to the other at this point.
REMEDY: Earned trust rather than assumed trust is now primary in the relationship. Men who cheat need to understand that their partners are wounded and need time and a lot of conversation before they can trust again. Men need to learn how to ask for their needs to be met and learn how to express their sexual needs. Women think men lie because they don’t love them. This is false. Men lie because they don’t want to hurt their women.
This information is not about excusing cheating or betrayal nor is it meant to be all inclusive. The goal is to understand and as a couple find your way back to each other.