Relationship Counseling & Dating:
3 Tips

We do a lot of relationship counseling at the clinic and the topic of dating comes up often. People have a lot of ideas about dating, most of which are negative and hopeless. The frustration is often around unreturned calls, being misled, wanting—and having– sex too soon and moving too fast toward being in a relationship. Focusing on the negatives of dating won’t allow you to enjoy this period of your life which can be one of the most interesting journeys you take, and it’s worth approaching it in the most thoughtful way possible.

We do a lot of relationship counseling at the clinic and the topic of dating comes up often. People have a lot of ideas about dating, most of which are negative and hopeless. The frustration is often around unreturned calls, being misled, wanting—and having– sex too soon and moving too fast toward being in a relationship. Focusing on the negatives of dating won’t allow you to enjoy this period of your life which can be one of the most interesting journeys you take, and it’s worth approaching it in the most thoughtful way possible.

Relationship Counseling Tip #1: You don’t have to be healthy before you start to date.

Quite the opposite! Dating is one of the best things you can do if you want to grow and explore who you are. If done in a sensitive and healthy way, dating is a great way to work out issues and explore different areas of your personality. You don’t have to be healthy before you date: you get healthy by dating!  If you are seeing a relationship counselor while you are dating, all the better.

Relationship Counseling Tip #2: Don’t expect it to be all fun.

The truth is: dating is brutal. There’s really no two ways about it.  It can feel bad, it can be hurtful, it can be confusing and frustrating and not even seem like it’s worth the trouble. That’s exactly why dating leads so people to relationship counseling.  But dating is too important to give up on. It offers too many opportunities for growth to treat it like an annoyance. If you put your heart into it and give it a chance, it can be one of the greatest things that ever happens to you.

Relationship Counseling Tip #3: Don’t take it personally when it doesn’t work out.

When there are bumps in the road, don’t take it personally and even when it ends, don’t take it personally. (Of course, if it does end, relationship counseling can help soften the blow.) Some people need to date a lot in order to figure out what works for them. If you take the hurt and pain too personally, you’ll never stick with it long enough to get good at it. If online dating doesn’t work, try joining volunteer groups or other social outlets which are not necessarily for dating but where you might meet someone casually. If social networking doesn’t work, try letting your friends set you up. Whatever works for you, just don’t give up!

What’s at stake is not only the chance to find a life partner, but also the opportunity to work out the issues that have been preventing you from living a fuller life.